Boundaries and How they Preserve our Compassion

Do you ever feel like people in your life are intentionally pushing your limits, demanding your time, or doing things to piss you off? What do you notice about how this makes you feel or how you feel towards these people? What do you notice about your willingness and openness to connect further with them?

In the video below, Brené Brown talks about how her research clearly shows that one's compassion and empathy is directly linked to one's boundaries. Boundaries are not easy; many people would rather be liked or not offend instead of setting boundaries. But setting boundaries is an act of great love for our true selves and it is from this true self that we are better able to see others' actions for what they are: a reflection of that person, not a reflection of us. From a boundaried place we can experience empathy and compassion for whatever is going on for that other person that is making them act out in that way - without taking it personally. We don't allow their "stuff" to spill onto us so we can view the situation with more objectivity. "Boundaries are not fake walls; they're not separation. Boundaries are not division. They're respect. They're Here's what's ok for me and here's what's not."

"I'm not as sweet as I used to be, but I'm far more loving!" -Brené Brown

© Ellie Vargas, LCSW


Ellie Vargas, LCSW is a wife and a mama of two girls, a trekker on the bumpy trail of personal growth, and a Trauma-Informed Psychotherapist. In that order.